Sweet Brownie

"If there is no heaven for dogs, then I want to go where they go when I die."

-Anonymous

Two and a half years ago my heart melted when I read a post on a local dog rescue site about a 14 year old beagle who desparately needed help. She was in Bloomington and was at a high kill shelter and was obviously not going to be saved over a bouncing puppy. She had been living in a car with her owner who had gotten a divorce, lost his house, lost his job, and he didn't think at her age she could last living in a hot car all summer long. SOOO I somehow talked Pat into "fostering" her. It was the best of both worlds...we were still broke from our expensive lila vet costs and beagle buddies actually pays for all vet visits/care for the dogs, they just want us to give her a nice loving home. Brownie was such an old sweet soul who was never any trouble at all. In the entire years we had her I NEVER once heard her bark. She was deaf but she sure could sense when we got home and when treats were given. She would sleep for crazy amounts of time and made our other dogs look like TERRORS (not that we didn't know that).

She started limping, and having trouble getting around, and just went downhill. We had to hold her up for her to go potty or else she would just fall in it :(. Yesterday she woke up yelping and couldn't put any pressure on her hind legs. I always told myself that I wouldn't let her suffer. I prayed that maybe she would just go in her sleep peacefully, but finally yesterday we had to make the decision to put her to sleep. I've had tons of dogs, but not once have I been to put a dog to sleep. I was never strong enough. Brownie was the most attached to me and I knew I had to be there for her in her last minutes. I was going to go with Dustin and the time was set for 2:15p. :( I suddenly was coming up with every excuse in the book of why I couldn't go. I have Jack, I don't think Pat will be home in time, Pat has the murano, I don't want to totally LOSE it at the vet, I'm not even dressed, I think the carseat isn't here. Finally, I stopped being selfish and realized I could do this for her, since she never asked me for anything else. I had to leave right then before I changed my mind! I packed up Jack in the steaming hot Honda and drove to Kim's so she could watch him while we went to the vet.

I almost chickened out at the vet. They described to me everything that they would do and told me I could spend as much time with her as I wanted, before and after (don't tell a hormonal post-partum gal that bc you may have an overnighter!). They said to make the decision of wanting to be in the room with her or having them do it in the back and they'd be back. I ALMOST told them to take her in the back, thinking it'd be easier on me~~~but definitely not on Brownie. Dustin also said it would be good closure and good for me to see how peaceful she would feel. The vet tech peeked her head back in and asked if I wanted to be there and I said "yes"...I think I wanted to black out at that point!

They carried Brownie like a hot dog in her GIANT bed I got her to the back to give her the "sleepy meds" and brought her back in the room so I could say goodbye. HELLO waterfalls, I didn't know you could actually hear teardrops hit the floor, but I sure could!! I took her "bling bling" collar off and gave her lots of kisses and told her what a good girl she always was. She looked up at me one last time and it was like she knew and wanted to go. She went so quickly and I petted her until the vet shook her head that she was gone. It was AWFUL and so incredibly sad, BUT she went so peacefully and so quickly that it made it so much better. She was FINALLY out of pain and running like a puppy again!

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."