Rushing home to this :)

My little peapod of perfection....these are the reasons I SPEED home from work. Lord help the cop that would pull me over after a long day of work and hearing that your hungry. I plan out the fastest route depending on the time....not only to save the babysitter (either your dad, pat's mom, or my dad) but to save me! I can't wait to get home and cuddle with my boys. I cherish every single second and can't imagine life without you! I love your face when I first walk in the door and you spot me, it's almost like your thinking "where in the hell were you when I was screaming my head off!" then you smile :). On the nights that I come home from work you are a clingy nursing addict. Even if you just took a bottle, if I hold you you start to root around and sniff my shirt. Then, you get antsy until we have our WOOOOSAAA moments on the couch. Usually this is atleast an hour of cuddling, nursing, and chatting about our day. I know I know, we aren't supposed to let you pacify or play or nurse for an hour, but we need our time and I love it. You grab my face, you grab my finger, and twirl my hair and grunt in delight. You drift off to sleep and wake up just to make sure I'm still there. Then, daddy gets home....you hear his voice and tilt your head when you hear him say hello to the dogs and you LIGHT up when you finally meet eyes with him. We then go outside and chat about our day and stare at our lil man like we haven't seen him in days.

I know that these moments of cuddling won't last forever so I try to drink every last drop and breathe every little breath of it while I can. Whether it be at 2am or 5pm I'm trying to just enjoy you for YOU!

true. friends.

For some reason while one of my best friends was gone on vacation in Key West I got sentimental and starting thinking about true friends. Have you ever heard the song "Find out who your friends are" by Tracey Lawrence? It's so so so damn true! I mean how many people can you count on in the middle of the night to answer their phone and coming running to help you??? Let's make it even more iffy, how many people can you count on answering their phone in the middle of a Saturday night to come running when you need them?? I started counting and I started to feel down because I honestly couldn't think of more than 5 that would come running and be able to put their life on hold. Then I realized that I was lucky to have even just one!

After having Jack, I'm so lucky to have a couple of friends & family that I know will always be there. The true tests are if your friends stick by your side through weddings, pregnancies, and kids. No matter the distance, some friends will come help you no matter how much of a hot mess you've become. They'll help you fold your 1,0000 unmatched socks before your wedding bc your too stressed to even care, they'll let some topics just sit and stew for a while before bringing them up and know that you'll bring it up in your own time, & they'll know when to bring you a delic. dinner after a long week. Some of my closest friends are also the ones that have to live the furthest away which really puts a damper on things. And years ago I would've never guessed it but some of my closest friends are through my husbands friends and now I can't imagine not having their advice.

I'm sure we all have atleast 100+ facebook friends, but the ones that really count are the ones who are there for you even at your worst! They tell you that you sure as hell need a shower or atleast some deodorant, and come over to hold your screaming reflux baby so that you can enjoy one peaceful warm shower even if it involves possible hearing loss. They're the ones that you can sit in a restaurant and hold the menu for and hour and forget to order because your too busy catching up.

My goal this year is to take more time out for this real friendships because they are what REALLY matter.

Sweet Brownie

"If there is no heaven for dogs, then I want to go where they go when I die."

-Anonymous

Two and a half years ago my heart melted when I read a post on a local dog rescue site about a 14 year old beagle who desparately needed help. She was in Bloomington and was at a high kill shelter and was obviously not going to be saved over a bouncing puppy. She had been living in a car with her owner who had gotten a divorce, lost his house, lost his job, and he didn't think at her age she could last living in a hot car all summer long. SOOO I somehow talked Pat into "fostering" her. It was the best of both worlds...we were still broke from our expensive lila vet costs and beagle buddies actually pays for all vet visits/care for the dogs, they just want us to give her a nice loving home. Brownie was such an old sweet soul who was never any trouble at all. In the entire years we had her I NEVER once heard her bark. She was deaf but she sure could sense when we got home and when treats were given. She would sleep for crazy amounts of time and made our other dogs look like TERRORS (not that we didn't know that).

She started limping, and having trouble getting around, and just went downhill. We had to hold her up for her to go potty or else she would just fall in it :(. Yesterday she woke up yelping and couldn't put any pressure on her hind legs. I always told myself that I wouldn't let her suffer. I prayed that maybe she would just go in her sleep peacefully, but finally yesterday we had to make the decision to put her to sleep. I've had tons of dogs, but not once have I been to put a dog to sleep. I was never strong enough. Brownie was the most attached to me and I knew I had to be there for her in her last minutes. I was going to go with Dustin and the time was set for 2:15p. :( I suddenly was coming up with every excuse in the book of why I couldn't go. I have Jack, I don't think Pat will be home in time, Pat has the murano, I don't want to totally LOSE it at the vet, I'm not even dressed, I think the carseat isn't here. Finally, I stopped being selfish and realized I could do this for her, since she never asked me for anything else. I had to leave right then before I changed my mind! I packed up Jack in the steaming hot Honda and drove to Kim's so she could watch him while we went to the vet.

I almost chickened out at the vet. They described to me everything that they would do and told me I could spend as much time with her as I wanted, before and after (don't tell a hormonal post-partum gal that bc you may have an overnighter!). They said to make the decision of wanting to be in the room with her or having them do it in the back and they'd be back. I ALMOST told them to take her in the back, thinking it'd be easier on me~~~but definitely not on Brownie. Dustin also said it would be good closure and good for me to see how peaceful she would feel. The vet tech peeked her head back in and asked if I wanted to be there and I said "yes"...I think I wanted to black out at that point!

They carried Brownie like a hot dog in her GIANT bed I got her to the back to give her the "sleepy meds" and brought her back in the room so I could say goodbye. HELLO waterfalls, I didn't know you could actually hear teardrops hit the floor, but I sure could!! I took her "bling bling" collar off and gave her lots of kisses and told her what a good girl she always was. She looked up at me one last time and it was like she knew and wanted to go. She went so quickly and I petted her until the vet shook her head that she was gone. It was AWFUL and so incredibly sad, BUT she went so peacefully and so quickly that it made it so much better. She was FINALLY out of pain and running like a puppy again!

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."

My first Mommasita Day!

I feel like Mother's deserve much more than one day to celebrate all they do! Who else has the magic touch of calming a screaming baby with just the sound of their voice. Luckily I have 3 great mom's to look up to and to help spoil Jack. They each have been such great influences for me and Pat and we visited all 3 on Mother's day weekend.

We went up north and had lunch and sang "the wheels on the bus" with Pat's mom Loren. We went to Bravo with my mom and Jack got passed around a table of twelve and and loved every minute of socializing. We also went to the Rooney's for some yummy chinese food and also had our first overnight where Lisa was snuggling our wide awake lil man when we got home.

This is what I woke up to on Mother's day morning after a great night's 6 hour sleep! My two men probably discussing how I was sleeping with my mouth open or how my how attractive my hair must look in the morning :)

Then, Patrick (pat's dad) made us a delicious huge breakfast of eggs, fresh berries, bacon, and coffee. It was THE perfect weekend!

Our crazy Friday nights :)

After a hectic week and our house looks like a tornado blew through it...the last thing I should be doing is enjoying a cup of coffee and looking at pics of Jack and writing in this blog~oh well there's always time for cleaning~ha! This was my first week of being part-time with my little man and it was wonderful! We had the perfect mix of daddy and mommy time and even though Jack is teething we got through it smoothly :)

It's amazing how much our friday nights have changed. Friday nights used to start at around 10:30pm...and go until 3 am sometimes later. They included random dinner dates, random bars, and then random people around a bonfire inhaling fumes from a burnt mattress. Well we still had the burnt mattress on this friday night :) but it's the other little things we do that make me smile. We always have about a half hour where we all three sit outside and CHILL. Whoever had the babysitting duties is exhausted and whoever had the full work day is exhausted and we both take turns loving on the little man. He's definitely taking after his mommy and daddy because he's such an outdoorsy boy!

It's the little things that excite me now on Friday nights....like putting Jack to bed and coming out to see that Pat is bagging up the milk from the past few days~a chore that I don't like doing for some reason?? Who's husband takes it upon themselves to bag up breastmilk haha...I love it. I love seeing all the last couple days extras and can't believe that my tiny boobs have somehow fed my chubby cheeked little boy and I still have tons to freeze...go team!

The little things like hearing Jack grunting like a little "groundhog" while he nurses himself to sleep. This friday I worked until 530 and we both were craving each other by the end of the day. Once he starts to nurse you can see the stress melt off my shoulders and Jack's eyes start to go up, up, and back into his head. He melts into a little warm ball in the crook of my arm and it's the best feeling I've had all day! At around 3:45 whoever is babysitting has mentioned that that's the point where he's sick of the bottles and ready for mommy time. We basically are "on demand" parents right now...if he needs a nap, he gets a nap, if he needs a snack~he'll get a snack. I feel like at this young it's way way too early to set a schedule especially when breastfeeding~~you gotta keep up with those growth spurts somehow!

Once he was asleep we did what any normal family would do. Grab the baby monitor, grab a beer, and burn a neighbors mattress :)

Scanning babies isn't always fun..

I love love love my job, but some days are gloomy scan days. I hate those days! I hate it when you start scanning and I'm sure if your an ultrasound tech you know the wave of not-so-good vibes that comes over you when you get that "feeling" from the start of putting your probe down and looking at a baby. Usually you can tell right from the beginning that's something's just not right and then since we work in a hospital setting you can't really say much and it's up to the OBgyn to inform the mom on what's going on.

Last week I had a couple of bad scans and it makes me so thankful for my healthy little boy! There was a baby who had a cleft palate, chin abnormalities, and a hole in his heart, and also duodenal atresia where the stomach doesn't attach to intestines. Basically, this child will have many many NICU stays, surgeries, and therapists throughout his life IF he makes it through birth.

Another scan was an ER scan 12 weeks prego. 12 weeks is usually the time where women start to feel somewhat relieved getting out of the first trimester. This woman was only cramping and wasn't sure of her period...sure enough there was a baby but it only measures 10 weeks and had no fetal heart tones :( She was very tired and didn't ask many questions (thank god) and scanned & grabbed all the measurements I needed. When it's a fetal demise case I won't give the mom pictures right then, I feel like it gets their hopes up. So I printed a few pictures, but walked them over to the ER dr. once she was back in her room, in case she wanted to save a few pictures of her baby.

Working in the ultrasound dept really makes you thankful for healthy babies! It also makes me worry worry worry! When I was 20 weeks prego I saw dilated renal pelvises on Jack. It can be completely normal or it can be a "soft-marker" for down's syndrome and other syndromes. I panicked called Pat balling and he of course is the sane one in our relationship and put things into perspective. He told me not to worry, (too late buddy!!!) that I've done everything and gone above & beyond what I could do for a healthy pregnancy and then proceeded to tell me how having a Down's baby would be such a gift from God. At first in my head I selfishly thought...gift? Thinking of the problems and abnormalities and then started to realize how innocent and sweet Down's babies/kids/adults are and that it really would be a gift. He said you'd never have to watch your child lose his/her innocence and they would remain so sweet & loving throughout their life. This is why I married my roonball!

I love my Patrick!

Ever have those a-ha moments about the one your with and you see a glimpse of how much you love someone and how lucky you are? I get atleast one a day! Every single day when Jack wakes up Pat puts him up on his stomach to talk and laugh and help Jack get his loads of gas out. I'm usually still comatose at this point and get to wake up to their chatter, I love waking up to Jack's coos and sighs and laughs from looking at his daddy.

There's so many moments over the past year that I have fallen completely in love with him again. Being pregnant and having a baby is ROUGH on a relationship and I can't believe how strong he's been. I always knew he'd be a great dad, but now he proves it to us every day.

Today is my first day of being part-time! I'm so excited to spend more time with Jack! I'm so thankful that my thrifty husband was the one that told me to do this and understands how much it means to me to be home with my babies! I mean who tells their wife to stay at home from a great paying job in the middle of a job-market that no one can find jobs. He knows what an emotional wreck I would be and it's just not worth it. I want to be home and see every little new giggle, movement, coo, crawl and walk. Yes we will be broke, and yes we will have to make sacrifices these upcoming months, but in the grand scheme of life how long are these months where Jack is growing every single minute??? I'm so so so so thankful!!!